A room for ONE please

You'll probably think this is weird, but I have a fear of all things German. With the exception of Benz, BMW and Beethoven, if it's German, you can keep it! I think this stems from me reading about the Holocaust way too early in life. When I was 6 years old I will never forget reading an issue of Time Life Magazine that was devoted to Nazi Germany. Every since then, Germany gives me the creeps and although as an adult I realize how utterly ridiculous this is, I embrace it as one of my many quirks.

For the past few weeks the world (or at least Europe) has been going crazy over this stupid World Cup. I just don't get it! Even though I briefly played soccer in high school, I don't understand the big deal about this tournament. I had the unfortunate pleasure of staying in a hostel during my vacation and one of my roommates was a soccer fanatic from Germany. As soon as I heard the accent I thought to myself "oh boy, here we go!" But he was a nice guy and gave me anti-bacterial wet wipes so I didn't hold his nationality against him. During my second night in Rome, Germany was playing in the World Cup and I guess it was a really important game, do or die. I had been walking around the city all morning and by the time I got back to my room that evening I collapsed in the bed and fell asleep instantly. At about 7pm, my German roommate burst into the room half naked wearing a black, yellow, and red speedo and draped in a German flag screaming "WE'RE GOING TO BERLIN! WE'RE GOING TO BERLIN!" It scared me out of my sleep so I jumped up frantically trying to figure out what the heck was going on, and hit my head on the top bunk in the process. I wiped the crust out of my eyes and the first thing I saw was a pale skinny boy draped in a German flag and yelling something in German that I didn't understand, all the while running towards me with a beer in both hands. My first thought? IT'S THE END OF DAYS! Needless to say, that was my last night sleeping in that particular room. Oh the joys of hostelling:-( Someone please shoot me in the face if I ever agree to stay in another hostel again!

But oh it gets worse. During my stay in Florence, I was shocked when I got off the bus and saw that my hostel was in the middle of a freakin' forest. I knew I should have run for the hills when a raccoon stopped for a catnap about 3 feet away from me, but when you're as poor as I am right now you just have to suck it up and remind yourself that at least you're in Italy and not Biloxi, Mississippi. Not that there's anything wrong with Biloxi, Mississippi, it's just not Florence. The hostel itself wasn't bad at all. It was clean, spacious, and the staff was very kind and helpful. The first night went off without a hitch, but the second night was a different story. It was blistering hot and there really is no such thing as air conditioning when it comes to hostels. Me and my 14 other roommates had to sleep with the windows and door wide open to create a draft so we didn't suffocate in our sleep. It worked fine in Rome, but at least in Rome I was in the middle of the city. In Florence, I was in a forest and when I woke up I was covered with mosquito bites. I started counting them, but once I got to 15 I stopped. I couldn't bear it, I had literally been eaten alive! I had bites in places that no mosquito should ever be. I felt violated so I did what I usually do when situations seem out of my control; I started to cry. I sat on the top bunk and cried in front of a bunch of perfect strangers.

They were all looking at me like I was crazy but once I showed them exactly why I was crying, they started to inspect their bodies as well. A girl from Hong Kong noticed that she had 7 bites on her face and she started to cry too. I still had 2 more nights of hostelling to go and I was praying that Venice would prove to be a much better experience. But of course, that would be too easy!

My hostel in Venice was in the perfect location, right on the banks of the Grand Canal just a hop and a skip away from the waterbus. The facilities were pretty good, much better than the sorry excuse for a bathroom I had in Rome. There were screens on the window so I didn't have to worry about being attacked by insects and none of my roommates were German. One of my roommates was however, fat and suffered from Sleep Apnoea. That chick snored all night long with no end in sight! There were two Dutch girls in the room and the Dutch have a tendency to be very blunt and to the point. The Dutch girls were pissed and not at all about to listen to the fat girl snore all night. Every 10 minutes they would wake her up and yell at her in Dutch. I don't know what nationality the snoring girl was, but she obviously wasn't Dutch because she really didn't understand that she was being cussed out. Once she would go back to sleep, things would be fine for a while, but then the snoring would start again, and the Dutch girls would cuss her out again. It was a vicious cycle! Lucky for me, the snoring girl only stayed for one night and on my final night in Venice I was able to sleep in peace. No Germans, no bugs, no fat girls. It was the perfect end to my Roman Holiday (and Florence and Venice too).