It's hot as hell and we're all going to die

Today I was (un)fortunate enough to experience the hottest day that London has had in over a century. Yay, lucky me!! Extreme weather, be it hot or cold, makes me a very, very miserable and unhappy person. Just 7 months ago I was living through the coldest winter that England has had in about 20 years. I read in the Financial Times that during this past winter it was colder in parts of England than it was in Moscow. Isn't Moscow in Russia? One of the coldest countries in the world? Even Napoleon and Hitler couldn't handle the Russian winters! It was so cold that there were a few times when I was walking down the street and I just started crying because I couldn't take the cold. I know, dramatic. I didn't complain too much though because it never snowed. I hate snow more than I hate pre-menstrual cramps so aside from being uncomfortably cold for about 45% of the year, I was (almost) a happy girl.

London has a reputation of being a very rainy, gray, and luke-warm kind of town. Last fall I was suffering from the effects of Seasonal Affective Disorder because the sun started to set at 3pm and didn't rise again until around 7am. Have you ever heard of such? Oh yes, I was very S.A.D indeed. I got on my knees and prayed to the heavens for days of warmth and sunshine. And by get on my knees and pray, I actually mean that I bitched and complained to my friends and family back home about how much this gray ass town sucks. But apparently someone from above heard me because low and behold, summer is here and it's hot, sunny, and there has been little to no rain in the past few months. Normally this would be cause for rejoice and jubilation, but I can't get excited because now there's so much sweat running down my legs that it looks like I wet myself. And I'm not kidding either.

All of these extreme weather conditions makes me realize one thing: we're all going to die. We have tsunamis attacking poor innocent countries, hurricanes attempting to wipe entire cities off the map, and temperatures ranging from negative 15 to 100+ degrees fahrenheit. All of these things are happening within a short span of each other too, not like the good old days when grandma only saw one natural disaster in her lifetime. I've seen at least 10 and I'm not even a quarter of a century yet! Mother Nature is pissed. And I'm afraid that she's not going to stop until she repays us for all the ish we've done to her over the years. Don't worry, I'm not going to go on a preachy rant about how we need to take better care of our earth; between the ages of 7-12 I was an environmentalist so I'm fully aware that any speeches I give will go in one ear and out the other, so I'll save my breath. I just want to give you all a fair warning. I was hoping that thanks to the miracles of modern science and personal assistants I would gloriously live well into my hundreds, but it's looking more and more each day that when I walk outside on my fortieth birthday I'll freeze into a human ice sculpture, and me and the rest of world will all be little frozen menageries on display in the planet formerly known as earth.