See, what had happened was...

It is my belief that local newscasters refuse to interview intelligent and well-spoken individuals. How many times have you seen ignorant ass people on the news that say stuff like, “They was wrong for killin’ them people. Ain’t that’s the truth!” When I hear this nonsense, I squirm and bury my face in my hands as if I were listening to my own family say those things. I’m embarrassed for them and angry with the newscaster because I firmly believe they purposely try to find the most ignorant person on the street to interview.

Last night I was watching the news and they kept referencing a story about a woman who found a rodent in her take-out. It was a teaser story, meaning that for the entire hour they kept saying that it was coming up “after the break,” but it actually didn’t air until the end of the hour. When it finally did air, they interviewed a woman who found what appeared to be a deep-fried mouse in her chicken and broccoli stir-fry. Here are some paraphrased snippets of what she had to say:

“It look like it was mouses in my food.”
“I don’t know how many mices was in my food, but I hope I ain’t eat a lot of ‘em.”
“See, this here is the tail. And here go the eyes. You can’t tell me this is not a mice!”

Now I know that knowing when to use “mice” and when to use “mouse” and knowing to never ever say “mouses” or “mices” can be difficult for some people. Those particular people are generally somewhere between the ages of 5-8 and usually are missing their front teeth. However, if you are old enough to walk into a Chinese restaurant and purchase your own food, your ass should know the difference!

Another story that aired was a tragic tale of a newborn baby that was found in a garbage chute in the Bronx. A story as heartbreaking as this really doesn’t require commentary from ignorant ass locals because it takes away from the story. But of course the reporter had to get their reaction!

“Damn, that’s messed up.”
“She coulda left the baby at a church, a precinct or at her mama’s house. She ain’t have to do all that.”

Were those people serious!?!? I thought the woman with the rodent was bad, but those mofos were simply ridiculous. They are the ones that should have been thrown down the garbage chute!