Child rearing on the 6

I was on my way to the Met to meet up with friends this weekend, but instead of trying unsuccessfully to hail a cab, I jumped on the uptown 6 train. Riding on the 6 reminds me of J. Lo. Once upon a time I used to think, “All I have to do is ride the 6 everyday and eventually I’ll become an international superstar with my own clothing line and anorexic husband!” Coincidentally, a woman sitting across from me was reading an issue of Vogue Living and J. Ho, I mean J. Lo was on the cover. I was looking at the magazine, my mind wandering some place that I can’t quite remember when all of a sudden my daze was rudely interrupted by a screaming child.

Right next to the lady reading Vogue sat a screaming toddler that looked exactly like Bubba Sparx. He was kicking his legs and flailing his arms all over the place, so his mother said, “Stop screaming!! If you kick the lady, I swear to God I’m going to punch you.” Part of me wanted to laugh, but part of me was in a state of shock after hearing the woman repeatedly say, “Do it, I dare you. I swear if you kick the lady I’m going to punch you.”

Bubba called her bluff and two seconds later he kicked the lady in the arm, causing the Vogue to fall out of her hands and on to the floor. As soon as he did it, I held my breath; As much as I dislike ill-mannered kids, I was seriously hoping that this woman wouldn’t punch her child! Thankfully, she didn’t. Instead, she grabbed him by the collar, picked him up and slammed him into his stroller and yelled, “Mutherf*cker you know you make me mad when you do that!”

Lock your doors people. In 10-15 years Bubba is going to grow up to be a very resentful, angry young man and thanks to his sorry ass mother, more than likely he will try to kill someone.