When Eager Beavers must go

A few weeks ago I met this guy at a club, we'll call him "Joe" to protect his identity. Joe seemed to be a perfectly nice guy so I decided to give him my number and told him we should get together sometime. One thing that annoyed me about Joe, was that our first conversation took place via text messaging. My thoughts on text conversations requires a completely new post, so I'll just keep it short and tell you that I don't like them. At all! So as we're exchanging texts, I'm smiling and thinking "ooooh, maybe this guy has some potentional!" But just a few days later he turned into the man that women all around the world abhor--the Eager Beaver.

An Eager Beaver is someone who is too persistent and too available, too early during the first phase of getting to know someone. The general rule of thumb is that the more attention a man gives a woman, the less interested she becomes, and vice versa. As f-ed up as that is, it's true and I'm totally guilty of it.

After our first actual phone conversation, I decided that the only potential that Joe really had was as a passertimer. People who fall into the category of passertimer usually have a shelf life of less than 6 months, and their only purpose is to amuse and entertain me until someone more suitable comes along. As harsh as that sounds, everyone has had a passertimer in their lives at some point or another, so don't judge me! Joe immediately became a passertimer when he said "You seem real smart, like someone that reads books and shit." I also wasn't too impressed when he said "Sperm stinks. I don't understand why women want that smell on their body."

After those comments, it was pretty much a wrap between Joe and I. If he had other redeeming qualities, I wouldn't have given him the boot so hastily, but other than his looks, there was absolutely nothing else there to keep me interested. But let's put all of that aside for a moment. Let's say that he never said any of those ridiculous things and he was in fact this spectacular, charming, and wonderful man that swept me off my feet. Joe would still have to go because of his eager beaverness. During my first week of knowing him, he:

1. Called me at 10pm on a Friday night and asked if I would come and spend the weekend with him (and got upset when I said that was ridiculous).
2. Called me every single day, and sent me text messages after he called letting me know that he just called.
3. Called during regular business hours and wondered why I didn't answer the phone. Ummm, maybe because I have a job!
4. Sent me a text saying, "I guess you kicked me to the curb. If I don't hear from you, I take it that you're not interested." I didn't respond to it, and the next day he sent me another text saying "You wanna get together this weekend?"
5. Called me again during regular business hours while I was at work so I didn't answer. I sent him a text saying "I'm busy and at work. Relax--eager beavers are unattractive, FYI. I will call YOU when I get some time." He proceeded to call me five minutes later.

Eager Beavers are the worst in the world of dating. If someone calls you everyday within the first week or two of meeting you, they must go. If you've known someone for only four days and they get upset because they get your voicemail when they call you, they must go. If someone consistently calls you during the hours of 8am-5pm (or whenever it is you normally work) and you have yet to actually go out on your first date, they must go. Women (and men) of the world, unite! When these eager beavers invade your life, they must go!