Accidental Eavesdropper

Have you ever been minding your business and you overhear something completely hilarious or utterly ridiculous? Or have you ever been on your cell phone in public and suddenly realize that the things you are saying should not be overheard by random passersby? I experienced both this past weekend and the latter left me feeling very embarrassed.

I was walking to meet a couple of friends for dinner on Saturday night. It was cold as all get out and I lost my hat on Friday, so unfortunately I had nothing to cover my head (or ears). I was standing on the corner waiting to cross the street when two guys came and stood next to me. The first guy said, “I know he knows I like him, but I don’t know if he knows I like him like that.” The second guy said, “does your wife know?” Now correct me if I’m wrong, but if you heard something like that, wouldn’t your natural inclination be to turn and see exactly who the down-low guy was? These days there are so many men on the down-low that I didn’t think I was in the wrong by turning around and seeing exactly who he was. Afterall, this same guy could probably try to hit on me at a club one night! I guess the alleged down-low guy didn’t feel the same way because he gave me the look of “bitch, get up out my conversation” when I turned to look at him. It wasn’t my fault, he shouldn’t have been having that conversation on the sidewalk!

The second encounter was actually me talking too loud on my cell phone. I was in Starbucks and talking to a friend of mine about a tuna sandwich I had eaten earlier. There was too much tuna stuffed in the sandwich and when I bit into it, tuna fell out and got all over my jacket, leaving me smelling like a can of tuna. Unfortunately, the accidental eavesdropper listening to my conversation wasn’t privy to any of this (or an inside joke my friend and I have about Chlamydia), so I ended up embarrassing myself in a major way!

“I smell bad. Oh my god, I have Chlamydia. Doesn’t your choch smell like tuna when you have Chlamydia? Girl, that muthaf*cka gave me Chlamydia!”

I said all of this like I was serious, because that’s what makes the joke so funny. But when I looked up from my macchiato, a man was starring at me like I was some filthy whore. The sad part is that he wasn’t the only one that was starring at me. At least three other people looked at me when I said, “doesn’t your choch smell like tuna when you have Chlamydia?” As much I would like to believe I am this wordly sophisticate, at that very moment I was the equivalent of Beavis or Butthead. Not my proudest moment!