Why did he have to be ugly?

This statement will probably come back to haunt me, but I'm going to say it anyway. Bloggers should never post pictures of themselves on their blog--especially if they're ugly. I know, I sound really mean and a wee bit shallow, but I've never claimed to be perfect, nice, or warm and fuzzy. So there you have it!

There's a political blog that I read regularly (it's not listed in my Bloggorhea and I'll protect his identity by not naming his blog) and I think this man is brilliant. He's in his late twenties, lives in DC and sounds just dreamy. For the past few months I've been reading his blog on an almost daily basis and I subconsciously created a vision in my mind of what he looks like. He's insightful, intelligent, comical, and has a dry sarcasm that only true dorks (like me) would understand. I figured that if he had all those qualities, then he must be handsome, right? So I developed a little cyber-crush on my favorite politico; that is, until he started posting pictures of himself on his blog. All of a sudden I was brought to the sad reality that my dreamy blogger was actually an unattractive, slightly obese tub of lard with hideous clothes and a mild case of adult acne. I was disappointed because now when I read his posts, I'll be visualizing a fatty instead of a handsome debonair man like Denzel Washington or Clive Owen. Let this be a lesson that anonymous bloggers should remain just that. Anonymous!

Oh Manolo, how I love thee!

Shoe designer and artistic genius Manolo Blahnik has created a heel-less shoe made of titanium. The design of the shoe was inspired by Medieval churches and is in response to the latest trend of chunky heels and platform wedges--which the designer hates. I concur Manolo! If only I had an extra $5,700 laying around in my bank account, those babies would be mine!

(Some) Americans are loud...and obnoxious

In the 10 short months that I have been living in London, in a some ways I have become British. I drink tea almost everyday, I say things like "no worries", and I have become acutely aware of just how annoying Americans can be. When I first moved here, I would get really defensive anytime I heard people talking about Americans negatively and when I heard a group of rowdy American tourists walking around Picadilly Circus I would smile and say to myself, "ah yes, my people:-)" However, I've recently realized just how obnoxious us Americans are and now when I hear the rowdy American tourists I wince and say to myself "how embarrassing. They really need to get a clue."

Case in point, I was out shopping earlier today and I was sitting on a bench waiting for the tube. A group of young American guys were standing near me and were behaving typically.

American idiot #1
"Dude, it's f*cking hot! I don't understand why the British don't air condition the subway."

American idiot #2
"It's because they don't have the technology. They aren't as advanced as we are. We should have gone to LA."

American idiot #1
"Yeah, we should have totally gone to LA. The food here sucks and I can't understand what people are saying."

American idiot #3
"Yeah, let's go to LA next time. It rains here all the time. London sucks. "

I must admit, I'm not too happy about there not being any AC on the tube either and I've bitched about it to countless people. And yes, I've complained about the rain and lack of sunshine more times than I care to count. But what I wouldn't do is talk about how much Britain sucks when I'm surrounded by about 30 Britons and I'm a foreigner. If they were just talking amongst themselves that would be one thing. But these idiots were practically yelling at the top of their lungs like each of them were 25 feet away from each other. It was obvious that the British people were annoyed and a little offended, but being the British people that they are, they were way too polite to comment or even look in the same direction as the idiots.

Despite my post-graduate status, I'm living in a building full of American college kids. In stereotypical co-ed fashion, they're loud and drunk most of the time. Our neighborhood is quaint and quintessentially British so the closest thing we get to raucous is the crazy lady who does bird calls in the wee hours of the morning, and the cavalry of horses and canons that parades down the street once a month at about 8am. Every few months we get a string of new study abroad students that invade the neighborhood. They walk through the streets in hordes of 10 or more talking loud and most of the time the topic du jour is usually how London sucks. They sit on the porch playing their guitars at all hours of the night, and yell at each other up and down the street like they're on campus. "HEY STEVE! STEEEVE! CAN YOU PICK UP A PACK OF BEER FROM TESCO?"

Witnessing all of this hurts my heart because these loud and obnoxious idiots are enforcing just about every stereotype that Europeans have of us...we're loud, ethnocentric, have superiority complexes, and the college kids are drunk and clueless. I've had many conversations with my coworkers who say that Americans have a horrible reputation in this respect. I agree with them on some level because I've witnessed these behaviors not only in England, but in France and Italy as well. I'm not saying that you should completely change your behavior because you're in a different country, I'm just saying that you should completely change your behavior because you're in a different country.

Now before some of my fellow Americans start getting all defensive and say I'm "un-American", let me be the first to tell you that I'm not. I can't wait to get back home, being here has given me a new found appreciation for American culture, food, mindless tv, music, food, food, etc. And I'm also not saying that all Americans traveling abroad fall into the category of loud and obnoxious, because they don't. I'm basically saying that the world already has stereotypes of us, it would be lovely if tourists didn't make them even worse.

No more popping bottles of Cris

I know this is old news at this point, but Jay-Z is officially boycotting Cristal, the ridiculously over-priced champagne that has become as common in hip-hop lyrics as the words bitch and bling. The boycott stems from what Jay calls "racist statements" that were made in The Economist by the company's managing director, Frederic Rouzaud.

I think this boycott is long overdue and not because Rouzaud appears to be an idiot, but because the hip-hop community gives way too much free publicity to products and usually get nothing in return. You can't listen to rap music today without hearing at least one product being mentioned. Rather its Bentley, Cristal, Moet, Jacob the Jeweler, or even white tees, rappers are notorious name-droppers and do it to prove how much they have, and how much better than you they are because they have it.

Everyone has danced, sung and probably had a drink while listening to the song by Diddy and Busta called "Pass the Courvoisier." In 1998, sales of the cognac were at an all-time low but in 2001 when the song hit the airwaves, sales jumped 30%. The San Francisco Gate reported that it was the largest increase the 300 year-old brand had experienced since Napoleon III named it the Official Supplier of the Imperial Court. How is that for a plush increase?

Back in 2002, Nelly released "Air Force Ones" and all of a sudden everyone had to have a pair. Sales for the shoe increased sharply, but it wasn't until after the success of the song that Nelly inked a deal with Nike to release his own limited edition shoe. While he did get something out of the deal, there are countless other entertainers that don't have the business savvy to do something similar. I would argue that the majority of the hip-hop artists that name-drop these products don't own any stock in the company or receive any sort of financial remuneration for all of the free publicity that money can't buy. So my question is, why do they continue to do it?

If I were a popular entertainer and I knew that if I liked something millions of young people would go out in droves to buy it, I'd be very careful about what I say. Suppose I made a song that said "I got red shoes in my bedrooooom, I'm the sh*t cuz I got red shoes in my bedroom," you better believe that I would cut deals with every company and manufacturer that produced red shoes (which I love by the way, and I can say that freely b/c no one gives a damn about what I like and don't like). And I would even go as far as to own stock in companies that produced products specifically for bedrooms, like sheets and nightstands...just to be on the safe side. I would never let my power and influence make more money for other people than it made for me. Wise up, rappers! Realize that when you brag about your Air Force Ones, your Benzes, and all your bottles of Cris, unless you are wise, you are only contributing to the bottom line of Nike, Daimler Chrysler and Louis Roederer--not your own.

When PETA attacks

Last week, Beyonce was ambushed by two PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) members at the posh New York restaurant Nobu. VH1 held an auction on Ebay to benefit their Save the Music Foundation, where fans could bid on winning a lunch with B herself. The two winning "fans" were actually members of PETA and proceeded to question/harass/badger/humiliate B about wearing fur and using it in her (wack) fashion line House of Dereon. All of this was caught on tape and is now circulating the internet like wildfire. B sat there stunned and literally speechless as the PETA members pulled out a DVD player and attempted to show a video starring Pamela Anderson that showed how animals are gassed and electrocuted for their fur. PETA released a statement saying that the reason for ambushing her in this manner is because she has refused to respond to polite requests to sit down and talk with them.

I won't get into the whole debate about whether or not it's wrong to wear fur – it's a personal decision and I love furry non-violent animals so you can take a guess at where I stand on the issue. However, I think PETA really needs to change its tactics or no one will ever take them, or the good work they do seriously.

About a year or so ago, PETA activist Heather Mills McCartney (soon to be ex-wife of Paul McCartney) threatened to stalk J-Lo until she stopped wearing fur. She also showed up at J-Lo's Manhattan office to show her a PETA video. Instead of meeting J-Lo, she was met by her security guards and after a rough and tumble scuffle, her prosthetic leg became detached. Because she obviously came to cause problems, the guards refused to let her the use the bathroom to pull herself together, so she was force to reassemble her leg in the stairwell. PETA members have also thrown pies at US Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour (a notorious fur wearer), thrown gallons of paint on fur wearers as they walk down the street, and picketed outside the home of the president of KFC.

I understand that PETA feels they need to use these extreme tactics in order to garner media attention, but they can't honestly believe that celebrities are actually going to take to heart their message when they go about it in this way. Let's say for example, my boss really hates white shirts and goes ballistic everytime someone in the office shows up to work wearing a white shirt. As soon as he sees the white shirt wearer he yells at the top of his lungs "YOU COTDAMN MUTHERF*CKERS AND YOUR F*CKING WHITE SHIRTS!!! DIE BITCHES, DIIIIIIIIIIE!!!!" Would that deter me from wearing white shirts to work? Probably not, because I would be so incredibly annoyed by his tactics that I would continue to wear white shirts just for the sheer pleasure of seeing him get pissed off everyday.

Just like it isn't cool to wear fur, it's not cool to wear white shirts either. You're guaranteed to dribble your lunch or morning coffee all over your chest just because you were bold enough to wear white. You'll also get that permanent ring around the collar that won't go away despite repeated trips to the dry cleaners, and the cuffs of your shirt will get all brown and nasty from constantly moving your arms across your desk. By noon, you'll be a filthy mess and it'll look like you've been wearing that white shirt for 4 days instead of 4 hours. Yes, white shirts are bad and I try not to wear them. But if I had an asshole boss that threw Reece's Pieces at me whenever I walked past and posted huge signs around my cubicle that said " White shirt, white shirt. This hoe is always wearing a white shirt," I guarantee I wouldn't let that steal my thunder. And if I feel that way, an extreme introvert that doesn't like to call attention to herself, imagine the mindset of egomaniacal, publicity loving, the world revolves around me, celebrities! With the exception of Beyonce (who genuinely seemed sad and hurt by the ambush) I'm sure that many celebrities could care less if they are on PETA's shitlist. PETA does do great work in raising awareness about animal cruelty, but if they don't get their act together, they'll just become a laughing stock like FEMA or George W. Bush.

Two sides to every story

I recently went on a trip to Marrakech, Morocco and found that there were two sides to Marrakech. There was the pretty and sparkly side, that makes you say "ooooooh" and "aaaaaaaah" as you marvel at the breathtaking Islamic architecture. The streets are perfectly manicured and even the public trash cans are stylish. The people are warm and friendly and everywhere you go they always say to you "Welcome to Morocco!"

Koutoubia Mosque--World's tallest mosque

Inside the Saudian Tombs

Lady making weird pancakes in the restaurant in our hotel

Public trash can. Very chic I must say.

But there's another side to Marrakech, the authentic and dirty side that makes you say "oh hell no!!" and "get me the f&#% outta here!" because the mysterious particles you see floating in the air makes you afraid to breath and the horrendous stench from the donkeys and goats roaming free is enough to make you suffocate and collapse in the 107 degree heat. All of a sudden the warm and friendly people are hard to find, instead you have swindlers who are trying to "help" you find your way around the town, and small children steal your dinner off your plate right in front of you.

Open air market

Another view of the open air market

Just an ordinary guy..riding his donkey

An ordinary street

Stray kitties--just because they're cute:-)

Mystery meat at its best

Yes, there are always two sides to every story, and depending on who you're dealing with, sometimes three or four. Just like there was a sparkly side and a dirty side to Marrakech, the same can be said for my life.

I was chatting with with an old friend online and she said, "you're so lucky! You have a great job and get to spend a year abroad traveling around the world living the good life. I would kill to switch places with you right now!"

That, my friends, is the sparkly side of my life. Sure, I'm living in the great city of London and every now and then I get to do a little bit of traveling, but let's not forget the dirty side. This "great job" I have, is actually an internship and because I have the job title of Intern instead of something lofty like Director of Global Business Development, I receive a measly "salary" and I'm often relegated to Office Bitch (i.e. secretary) when all of the very important people go away on holiday.

The great western philosopher Kimora Lee Simmons once said, "before you classify someone as lucky, make sure you know everything about their big picture." So the next time you come across someone who you think is living a charmed life and they keep going on and on about all the things they've done and and all the things they have, say to them, "that's great. But what's the other side of the story?"

When Eager Beavers must go

A few weeks ago I met this guy at a club, we'll call him "Joe" to protect his identity. Joe seemed to be a perfectly nice guy so I decided to give him my number and told him we should get together sometime. One thing that annoyed me about Joe, was that our first conversation took place via text messaging. My thoughts on text conversations requires a completely new post, so I'll just keep it short and tell you that I don't like them. At all! So as we're exchanging texts, I'm smiling and thinking "ooooh, maybe this guy has some potentional!" But just a few days later he turned into the man that women all around the world abhor--the Eager Beaver.

An Eager Beaver is someone who is too persistent and too available, too early during the first phase of getting to know someone. The general rule of thumb is that the more attention a man gives a woman, the less interested she becomes, and vice versa. As f-ed up as that is, it's true and I'm totally guilty of it.

After our first actual phone conversation, I decided that the only potential that Joe really had was as a passertimer. People who fall into the category of passertimer usually have a shelf life of less than 6 months, and their only purpose is to amuse and entertain me until someone more suitable comes along. As harsh as that sounds, everyone has had a passertimer in their lives at some point or another, so don't judge me! Joe immediately became a passertimer when he said "You seem real smart, like someone that reads books and shit." I also wasn't too impressed when he said "Sperm stinks. I don't understand why women want that smell on their body."

After those comments, it was pretty much a wrap between Joe and I. If he had other redeeming qualities, I wouldn't have given him the boot so hastily, but other than his looks, there was absolutely nothing else there to keep me interested. But let's put all of that aside for a moment. Let's say that he never said any of those ridiculous things and he was in fact this spectacular, charming, and wonderful man that swept me off my feet. Joe would still have to go because of his eager beaverness. During my first week of knowing him, he:

1. Called me at 10pm on a Friday night and asked if I would come and spend the weekend with him (and got upset when I said that was ridiculous).
2. Called me every single day, and sent me text messages after he called letting me know that he just called.
3. Called during regular business hours and wondered why I didn't answer the phone. Ummm, maybe because I have a job!
4. Sent me a text saying, "I guess you kicked me to the curb. If I don't hear from you, I take it that you're not interested." I didn't respond to it, and the next day he sent me another text saying "You wanna get together this weekend?"
5. Called me again during regular business hours while I was at work so I didn't answer. I sent him a text saying "I'm busy and at work. Relax--eager beavers are unattractive, FYI. I will call YOU when I get some time." He proceeded to call me five minutes later.

Eager Beavers are the worst in the world of dating. If someone calls you everyday within the first week or two of meeting you, they must go. If you've known someone for only four days and they get upset because they get your voicemail when they call you, they must go. If someone consistently calls you during the hours of 8am-5pm (or whenever it is you normally work) and you have yet to actually go out on your first date, they must go. Women (and men) of the world, unite! When these eager beavers invade your life, they must go!

The ridiculousness of myspace

Everyone, and I mean everyone has a myspace page, or at least heard of it. I freely admit that after hearing about all of the child molesters that were posing as teens on myspace, I jumped on the bandwagon and got myself a page. After being a member for several months, I've come to realize that 75% of myspace is pure ridiculousness, and the other 25% is actually useful and a good way to keep in touch with friends. So, let's explore some of the ridiculousness...


I know everyone tries sooooo hard to make themselves stand-out, but I think these same people fail to realize that their profiles have the potential to be seen by millions of people. Or perhaps they just don't care. Case in point...


The Light-skinned Sensation

Ok, please tell me what is so sensational about someone who poses in their bathroom and takes pictures of themselves with their camera phone? Please, I need to know! If you don't have at least one picture of yourself that someone else has taken, then you really have no business putting pictures up in the first place.

Pregnant and still sexy

I'm not even sure where to begin with this one. This absolutely screams ghetto fab and trailer trash. The words "pregnant" and "sexy" should never, ever be used in the same sentence. There's something about it that's just ungodly. Secondly, must THE WORLD see your sonogram? I've always been really annoyed by expecting mothers who feel the need to show everyone on the planet their sonogram. I understand that when mothers see it, they are incredibly moved by seeing their little baby growing inside them, but when everyone else sees it, they're just trying to figure out exactly what the hell they are looking at. Can't they just wait until they actually give birth and then bombard everyone with pictures of the baby wearing the little hat and blanket in the hospital? Because everyone knows, as soon as the kid comes out, we will be forced to see pictures of Little Mikey from the time of his first birthday until he finally gets married--and everything else in between. Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-baby, I'm anti-annoying mother. So for all you expecting mothers out there, please spare everyone and keep your sonograms off myspace.

Aside from the pictures, there are some other really ridiculous things about myspace. First off--the friend requests. Being the introverted person that I am, I only want to receive friend requests from friends. That is what it's for after all. I don't want to check out your band, I don't want to see the tshirts you designed for Omarion and Kevin Federline, I don't want to hear your latest single, and I most certainly do not want to buy your organic handmade jewelry. Aside from being a haven for pedophiles and freaks, myspace is full of broke, negative net worth people trying to peddle their wares and get free publicity for their "record labels." While I think all of this is a very good idea, I don't want any parts of it. What I also don't want any parts of, are the elaborate, over-designed pages that take two years to load. Have you seen those pages that have crazy backgrounds, music, commercials, movies, and dancing bears all competing for space on a tiny little page? Between the stars falling from the top of the page, Kanye's latest single, and the clip from Scarface playing in your comments box, I have no idea what to look at first. KEEP IT SIMPLE PEOPLE! You're creative and full of life, I get it. But when I'm sitting at my desk at work, I'm not quick enough to click three different pause buttons to stop all of the different multi-media that's spewing from your page.

So the lesson of the day is...less is more. Keep in mind that if you post ridiculous pictures, you will be mocked; don't harass innocent people by asking them to listen to your music or buy your original artwork, and most importantly if your page takes 3 minutes to download no one will actually look at it because they're annoyed. Now if you'll excuse me, someone has just added a new comment to my page and I need to check it.