Go wireless, save a grand

This morning while going through my inbox, I saw a promotion from New York Magazine offering it's subscribers $1,000 off of Invisalign at the Manhattan Dental Spa. When Invisalign first came out I was really excited; I thought to myself, "Yay! Now's my chance to close my slight gap and fix my overbite without looking like a retarded grade schooler!" But just like every thing new that comes around, within a few months I forgot all about it and went and bought new shoes instead.

Fast forward 3 or 4 years later, I got really excited again when I saw this advertisement/coupon/rip-off in my inbox. Once again, my mind started churning and I thought "Ok, now this time I really have to get Invisalign. I can't pass up this deal!" But then I started thinking...if a "dental spa" is willing to slash 1K off the price, how much does this ish cost to begin with? Most coupons offer $10 off, or maybe even 25% off, but when a place knocks $1,000 off the price of something, that's a sign that it's too damn expensive to begin with!

If you're a loser, just go crazy

Like many women around the country, I spent last weekend curled up on the couch watching a good ol' Lifetime movie. This particular movie called "The Perfect Nanny" was about a crazy ass woman who tried to live out her favorite romance novel. She left her husband, stalked a rich widowed neurosurgeon and pretended to be a nanny in the hopes that on her birthday he would tell her that he was in love with her and they would live happily ever after. In the process, she killed her husband, killed her mom, killed the doctor's boss and attempted to kill his daughter too. In the end, the doctor and his daughter found her out and the movie ended with her in the pyscho ward, writing out invitations to her and the doctor's wedding that was supposed to take place in 1870. A nurse came in telling her it was time to take her meds, but she promptly told them to "ask the help for tea and crumpets" instead.

I usually laugh at crazy people, but I think the crazies of the world are actually on to something. You get to live out whatever your dream is (at least in your mind) and if you're lucky, you can live in a nice facility where you can be your crazy self and not worry about getting arrested or finding your own food. If you want to be the Queen of England, you can order around your subjects (a.k.a. psychiatric nurses) and give speeches on the balcony of your palace (a.k.a. the hospital cafeteria). If you want to be Shabba Ranks, you can walk around looking ugly and yelling "sha bootsy!!" at the top of your lungs, and no one would pay you any mind. That's one of the luxuries of being crazy! Which is why I firmly believe that if you're a bonafide loser, i.e. you have no social skills, no friends, no job, no residence, no personality, bad breath, bad hair, bad shoes, and/or a criminal record, then it's probably in your best interest to just go crazy because that's really the only option that's available for you to have a better life. That, or become a contestant on Flavor of Love, which has given quite a few crazy ass people very fruitful lives.